You wouldn’t be the only one curious to find out what I’m going to write about. So am I. I hope I can go some distance away from my insecurities, and how that has affected my relationships with everyone I have ever met. I have severe difficulties communicating and connecting with others, hence I write poetry. I am most fortunate to be able to write poems with relative ease, as opposed to being self-revealing, yet I never talk about myself in social situations. It has become an isolated, desolate place that my mind dwells in. At times it becomes painful.
I have just started writing my 5th book, “Terms of Engagement” which alludes to the fact that this year I am endeavouring to engage in life fully for the first time since I was 11 years old, and I am 46. My first published book, “Life is Eximius Ordo”, is my diary covering a 15 year period of severe difficulties in my life. Starting with a time when I lost my entire social circle at 28, when I had my first full-blown mania, (I am most proud to have Bipolar Affective Disorder). I scared everyone away. No-one understood me anymore. This became the unwanted point of having to go it alone. I found it easier to write poems about my thoughts and observations on the world around me, it cushioned the blows. What I did not know was that that’s how it was going to be for the next 18 years. I learned quickly to deal with the problems life throws at me and never share them, or any concerns that they caused.
Despite the isolation, I hope I am still warm. Learning to socialise again and share my thoughts after all these years will be one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. I hope that if I start this blog, and write without poetry for a mask, I may begin to heal myself. You have already begun to help me by reading this far.
2 thoughts on “Inception.”
Really good post x
Power to you, Nigel.