Inception.

Posted on by nigelshaundowning

You wouldn’t be the only one curious to find out what I’m going to write about. So am I. I hope I can go some distance away from my insecurities, and how that has affected my relationships with everyone I have ever met. I have severe difficulties communicating and connecting with others, hence I write poetry. I am most fortunate to be able to write poems with relative ease, as opposed to being self-revealing, yet I never talk about myself in social situations. It has become an isolated, desolate place that my mind dwells in. At times it becomes painful.

I have just started writing my 5th book, “Terms of Engagement” which alludes to the fact that this year I am endeavouring to engage in life fully for the first time since I was 11 years old, and I am 46. My first published book, “Life is Eximius Ordo”, is my diary covering a 15 year period of severe difficulties in my life. Starting with a time when I lost my entire social circle at 28, when I had my first full-blown mania, (I am most proud to have Bipolar Affective Disorder). I scared everyone away. No-one understood me anymore. This became the unwanted point of having to go it alone. I found it easier to write poems about my thoughts and observations on the world around me, it cushioned the blows. What I did not know was that that’s how it was going to be for the next 18 years. I learned quickly to deal with the problems life throws at me and never share them, or any concerns that they caused.

Despite the isolation, I hope I am still warm. Learning to socialise again and share my thoughts after all these years will be one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. I hope that if I start this blog, and write without poetry for a mask, I may begin to heal myself. You have already begun to help me by reading this far.

Thankyou x

8 thoughts on “Inception.”

    1. Wow nij power to you love!!Am able to reach you now just getting into this computer milarcy!Lol!know exactly wot youve gone through and so proud of you cant wait for ya other books to be published and work on ya speaking infront of an audience??Love you loads!xx

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  4. Oh my goodness, Nigel, Nige, oh this is glorious. After all these years, soooo many years, and here you are, sweetie. Oh, my dear friend. I am soooooo proud of you. I can’t wait to renew our friendship. Back in the day, I was one of the managers of Our Bipolar Disorder group on MSN and we became friends. Remember we would write actual letters to each other and sent pictures and everything. And then MSN stopped their groups and you and I lost touch. And I have been thinking about you lately and honestly wondered if you were still living. And today, oh my goodness. Here you are! And you remembered me. I was actually going by the name Solange, on the MSN group. So I thought you might not remember me because I forgot that that was the name I used on there. Oh, please write back. This is amazing. We can all help each other again. I married a Bipolar person, and we are great at therapy together. So now we three can be friends! Yay!
    I’ve always wanted to write, but wow! you are writing books and having them published. I’ve got to know what they are, where to buy them, and so much more!!!! You will never be able to know how much your friendship meant to me back at that really hard time of my life. I think it was really the basis upon which I felt some worth in the world. Oh, sweet friend. I don’t anyone in this world who could be prouder of you than I am. Send me your email address, phone number, all that you can send me and let’s get this friendship back on the road again. Love to you. Sharon sharinhislove7@gmail.com

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